With a book and a cup of tea I stare into the garden were ‘Uncle’ as I call him (because I can never remember his complicated Sri Lankan name) is watering the jack-fruit tree. He comes up to me and says “YOU! You like Jack fruit?” I shrug my shoulders and say that I don’t know because I never had one. He takes his machete and climbs into the tree to cut one loose. With a smug grin he hands me the biggest piece of fruit I have ever seen. “EAT!” He says..
For the very first time after I took off two years ago, I actually feel at peace. I was always looking for something, planning ahead, forcing my way through the jungle that’s called Yoga Land to find my own path. I was always one step ahead and never really present in the here and now. But something changed in the last couple of weeks. It feels like I am more centered and more relaxed. I can sit in the garden for hours, just reading a book, and watch the monkeys play. Sri Lanka is stunning and teaching at Sri Yoga Shala made it even more special. The people close to me and lots of my students know I am always blabbering about the importance of the space you practice in, and that it’s all about the total experience. Well the perfectionist in me is getting all excited here, because this truly is one of the most pretty shala’s I have ever seen.
It isn’t easy not to have a home base, a place of your own where you can always return to when things get complicated. A place that belongs to you, where you can leave the things that don’t fit in your backpack but are precious and filled with memories. A place where you can invite your friends for homemade dinner and fresh baked cookies. A place with your own bed that carries your own scent. I underestimated the whole ‘not having a house’ thing from the beginning and thought that this was freedom. But now I understand that you don’t need to be homeless to be free.
The thing that makes me so calm though is the fact that every day the things that are important to me in life reveal itself and become more clear. Probably I will keep living the gypsy life for quite a while, but at least I know a bit more what I want.
I decided to fly to the Netherlands after teaching three workshops in Dubai on the 13th and 14th of May. The longer I am away from home, the more I start to realize how many special people I left behind that just go on with their lives without me in it. My cat isn’t a kitten anymore, my friends are getting married, my mom bought a bright red colored trailer, her new home on wheels. It feels like there is this huge gap of things I missed out on, and it gets bigger and bigger.
For how long I am going to stay this time? I don’t know. I just know I need to go home for some time. And I also know that the moment I set foot on Dutch soil, life will stir my wandering soul that loves leaving…